One of the main lessons I need to learn as a result of this whole process is to rely on the Lord. And to accept help others offer.
I am a very self-sufficient person. It is sort of point of pride for me how little I ask for or receive help. It honestly feels like failure to me if I have to ask for help. I have to admit weakness. And I hate that. I recognize, (academically at least) that this is not a good thing… And unfortunately, it spills over into my relationship with God. I forget how to rely on Him, and I forget that I need to. This move has been a constant reminder of my dependence.
When we first found out about this opportunity, we did what we always do, we started googling. Like crazy. “How to Move to Manila” “How to move to Manila with children” “How to move to Manila with small children” “How to move internationally with children” “Housing in Manila”
And Google failed us. There were no resources. Nothing. Mainly because our circumstances (aka 3 little kids) and our reasons for moving to Manila are very unusual. We aren’t looking to retire there, we aren’t going on an extended vacation, and 🙂 we aren’t looking for a spouse. So, really, we would be blazing a trail for ourselves. And that was a little disconcerting to me. And so the internet wasn’t the resource that I’ve come to expect.
This made us realize that we were doing things out-of-order. Either this was the right thing to do or it wasn’t, and we needed to find out.
And so, belatedly, we prayed about it. And we felt good about it. And that was that. And so, we started working on the things that we could: passports, visas, health checks and vaccines, dental appointments, etc. And we basically left everything else to God. This was a little frightening, especially where housing is concerned….And then, we found out that one of the HR reps has a condo that we can use. And we also found out that Jonathan’s company is going to pay for our housing. Things began falling into place. Of course they are.
Time after time as we have been packing, and preparing to move and working out what we can, everything has just worked out.
Now, I have always believed in the reality of miracles (large and small), but, not necessarily for me. I didn’t really think that they could or would happen for me. Miracles are things that happen to other people. But I cannot deny that there have been miracles that have happened for me and my family over the last couple of weeks.
After we decided that this was the right decision, I never questioned the rightness. But I found myself gripped with fear. I couldn’t sleep because I was freaking myself out so much. Mostly, I worried about our kids: their safety and their health and well-being. And I was sure that we were jeopardizing all of those things. I wasn’t functioning and I struggled to move forward. And so I asked Jonathan for a blessing. And ever since that blessing, my fear is gone. I still have my concerns and questions, but the fear is gone. Miracle. For me, a huge miracle. And there have been others. So many others. Some large, and some small.
I am grateful for the many reminders of the past few weeks that God is interested in the details of our lives, He can make things happen in our lives. Relying on Him means that we trade in our stress and our worry for peace and courage and faith and hope and all the good things.
